COPING WITH DIVORCE

The way of life can force us into situations that we might have no control over. It is more often very difficult to deal with and to accept those curve balls thrown at us. Divorce is one of the most difficult changes a person can go through as it involves the closest people in your life. The ones who used to be your dearly loved family can now possibly turn to be your worst enemies. It can be brought about by different reasons which can be an absence of love by either one or both parties, lack of respect or communication, too many secrets, selfishness, infidelity, finances, any form of abuse and even family disputes.

It matters not who did what or what led to it, the reality is that if issues are not sorted you might be in a space whereby you are forced to deal with it. Just as other people are involved when you decide to get married; the same applies when getting divorced but in this situation, people can be influential either positively or otherwise and circumstances are never generous. At the end, you are the one who has to make decisions and act. Vows are broken, anger and hate might come to the surface and that will birth negative emotions leading to negative outcomes. Divorce can be lengthy and emotionally draining, bringing about depression at times and even denial that it is really happening.

It is unfortunate that most women get so carried away when married that they even forget themselves and focus on their spouses, kids and everything else that has to do with running household matters. The unfairness of women treated in this regard financially is when it was caused by the spouse when they didn’t allow their woman to have a paycheck. When problems start they neglect them financially ignoring the fact that they practiced their manhood by forcing the woman to belong in the kitchen. This can be extremely difficult if such a woman is also left with kids in her care, you are now a single parent with no income and possibility of mistreatment of kids can start consciously or unconsciously. Try to always remember that it is not the kid’s fault as they are victims of the unfortunate circumstance and they also don’t deserve to be in that broken family environment. Women are again very quick to fault themselves even when it’s not their burden to carry but even when it really is, forgive yourself and stop feeling sorry. There is power in forgiveness be it forgiving yourself or the other person.

Divorce means circumstances have changed; new journey, new beginnings and you have to start somewhere. The first most crucial step to take is to deal with your emotions. It can be hard but it has to be done, allow yourself to be hurt, angry, cry or scream if you need to but at that first phase remember to NEVER MAKE ANY DECISIONS in that state for the simple reason that any action or decisions made at that time will be hasty, negative and will affect you long after the divorce, therefore, directing your future. But how can one deal with emotions? You can either find something to keep you busy, seek help, share your experiences, find comfort in others be it family or friends and be careful not to find comfort in someone romantically because that person won’t fix your life and you need to do away with dependence. Should it be you will be left a wealthy woman that person might just be one of those leeching people and it will be difficult for you to see it coming due to your stressful condition. Do not fall victim adding on to problems you are facing already.

We all know that there are men out there who target and prey on either wealthy widowed or divorced women. So no hasty decisions about relationships go out with friends and try to have fun, might seem not doable but it can be done. Join a gym, do yoga, take long walks, anything to help you keep calm and do away with negativity. Do not destroy your life in the process of all such as alcohol or substance abuse, you might find yourself addicted to wrong things without realizing it and that can only add more problems into your life and the journey ahead. Substance abuse will destroy you, your family, kids and everything you have worked will amount to nothing. You need to thread carefully if you are on a mission to destroy your partner as you might be destroying yourself in the process. Is it really necessary anyway? The revenge talk has to go or the don’t care attitude that will make you want to give up what you have worked for. Be it that you are a working woman or stay at home mom you deserve a fair cut of things. As a stay at home mom what you did was just as important and worthy and you deserve to be treated with respect.

COPING WITH DIVORCE

Be careful as to not take too much time on that emotional rollercoaster, manage those emotions, the negativity, do not allow defeat, stop blaming, do not care what others think, never give up or doubt and fix your life. All this may seem impossible but in the midst of all it has to be done and you have to set the tone for the future. There is also power in acceptance, learn to accept change so it can be easy to deal with it. We are stronger than we can ever imagine and the power is within each of us. If kids are involved do not poison them, divorce or not they must have the fair rights of either parent. Decisions have to be in their best interest and not for selfish reasons and should be allowed to love their parents overlooking their differences. Make them understand the situation and give them assurance that the end of your relationship is not the end of your love for them as well.

When the tough emotion battle has been dealt with and being a lot calmer now is the right time to seek help especially professionally concerning the most important issues. You need to figure out where to and how to get there and know your rights. Rights about the house, how to deal with debts accumulated during the marriage, children expenses, cutting financial ties and avoiding further bills while busy with divorce proceedings. There might be investments, huge assets, savings and retirement plans involved. The best way to go through all this is to get a professional that you trust to assist as best as possible. Most of these issues are worked out according to the agreements made before the marriage or contracts that were signed. Imagine having to deal with all these with a crowded negative mind? Would you not make wrong decisions that affect your future badly? As human beings, we never think strategically whenever we are in a bad state.

Everything should go according to plan if there is no pressure and no last-minute harsh settlements. Go through everything thoroughly and be sure you understand and agree with what you are clear on. Besides the emotional burden, this is the other difficult part that can drag the process due to fighting over all this due to too many disagreements. Each party will fight for what they believe it’s rightfully theirs but it is always best to finally reach an agreement rather than letting the judge do it for you. Just when you think you are done with the bad feelings this can bring back more stress but remember to keep calm so you can make fruitful decisions for your tomorrow. Patience should be a new best friend as this may drag for a very long time and courage in tackling difficult issues.

Another factor that will come into effect is the family and friends turning against you believing they know what you deserve and don’t deserve, earlier I mentioned do not care what others think. Everyone will have their own opinion based on what either of you says. Truth is either of you might lie to make the other look bad but that matters not and should not be entertained. Be accountable and maintain critical thinking at all times. We often hear of a man’s family calling his woman names because they think she is where she is because of a man, sad truth because some men are so useless then they turn around and make their partners look incapable so as to boost their ego. Most men never appreciate a woman with a bigger salary than they have and some women will make them feel less of a man because of that. It is forever made it seem women are the only monsters but some married woman in most times they hide a man’s incapability away from both his family and hers.

It really does not matter what people’s opinion are because sides will definitely be taken, unpleasant things will be said by people you least expected from. Choose and be with people who will advise you right or those who will be willing to positively be by your side helping you see your wrongs and rights. We are not perfect and we have our own mistakes so the people you need are those who will be honest about both, not those who will mend your broken heart with lies even you are mistaken. Denial can never be the solution to make yourself feel good about what you are going through. Be not your own enemy by lying to yourself. “There’s something about a woman with a loud mind that sits in silence smiling knowing she can crush you with the truth”- r.g. moon. Go ahead and be that kind of a woman, bending backward but unbreakable.

There is a lot that has not been said here, one can write a book about divorce issues and a lot of things are involved but when the two of you were happy you both made decisions together so you know and understand your own situation. Now you have to reflect back and work in ways that recognize different desires, needs, and interests. Change has come and you can’t deny it, you are forced to want it, face it with a conscious mind and action. It is time to create a new vision, a new mission, new adventures and a new approach to life. A slow and painful process but it can bring a whole lot of beautiful beginnings. When one door closes, the other opens. They say we often look back at the closed door and don’t realize the better one that opens. When all is said and done, signed, sealed and delivered, go out and spread your wings and be beautiful.

**REALISE YOUR WORTH, BE A KIND-HEARTED BADASS, COURAGEOUS AND UNSTOPPABLE**

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