Even when all is said and done, everyone has their preferences. Relationships are all about give and take and a balance needs to be maintained at all times. We sacrifice things we love & our time all in the name of love. Sometimes we think we do much but it is unfortunate that the much we do amounts to nothing or it is done for a wrong person. If not all, women come across a situation whereby a man stops calling and ignoring their messages when there was no fight or argument. If one is lucky then the man will share what turns him completely off with you but most men don’t, which leaves the woman hanging on with no understanding of what went wrong with the relationship. Some blame it on the man while others blame themselves and those who can’t keep men blame it on weird things including witchcraft.

Women have their own ego just as men do and the ego can be so huge that it blinds us from seeing reality. The truth is everybody knows no one is perfect and if you are in no light of your own mistakes then they cannot be rectified. Ordinary men from different backgrounds and cultures and from a blue-collar to a man in uniform share what makes them leave the women they love.

Things that push Him Away – From A Man’s Perspective

ZAKHELE Artisan 50yrs says –  “We men are cowards because we rather leave than come forward with other sensitive matters like a bad smell for example and when my woman starts having a bad smell from her private parts the first thing that comes to mind is that she sleeps around. I feel as men we also fail to understand that too much foreplay can make a woman secret so much that it may seem like she is too busy with many men as it causes her cookie jar to lose the tightness, feels too big and too slippery. In this kind of situations, bad things are all we think, we never pause and ponder on it and we are gone immediately. That lack of tightness can lead to me feeling there is no sexual connection with my woman then I will start feeling that my manhood is not enough. I will also feel less important when she never asks me for anything; whether she has money she still has to make me feel that I am in charge. When I have to approach a woman even small things like seeing a stain on her handbag becomes a concern for me as it says a lot. Bad breath is like “why did I bother talking to you” Ultimately an advice to any woman is that respect has the potential to change a problematic man to an extent whereby he will go from a bad boy to a very protective loving person.”

Very much active in the Dating game and not yet seriously committed to anyone, AUSTIN Salesman 26yrs feels most young women out there don’t know who they are, what they want from life and even why they do things they do, “ They are like headless chickens moving with no direction waiting to be rescued or used by us” he says. He further explains, I quote “A turn off is a woman who thinks her beauty will take her far in life because that’s the only thing in mind and nothing else, no ambition at all. That is my biggest concern because I will not allow myself to be stuck in a conversation with someone while I’m busy thinking what a dumb one she is. A partner is meant to help me think, have the ability to make me see things differently and push me to work harder. A life that brings challenge is a life that encourages and makes people want to do and gain more. But a trophy partner will just sit there agree with everything you say or do without opinion or objection. I need to be respected as a man but a continuous ‘no sir yes sir’ situation is a total knockout that will not be accepted, I will just pack my bags and go without a word. Stupidity is only good for once off thing because even with casual dating communication will be there once in a while and it need not be a dumb or boring one. Another relationship deal breaker is pretense, I fail to understand why the need to be what you are not. Women, please stop it is not attractive and it will cost you a potentially good life partner. We can see through you and when we do we get bored and eventually leave again without explanation. No man wants to forever ask himself if it is real you or the nonexistent one whenever you do things. Where there is a sense of understanding oneself is where I get attracted and that’s where I will shop for keeps.”

Here is what an ANONYMOUS 49 yrs Business Man has to say “I get completely turned off by women who can’t think, if thinking capacity is not there then I will also not be there period. My kind of woman should know what she wants in life and be able to get up and try to get. I understand things can be difficult but it is more attractive when she tries her best rather than just sit and does nothing at all like some old woman who has given up on life. We were brought up with an understanding that a man should take care of her woman but someone who is too dependent and asks for everything can be so irritating and unattractive. A woman should take care of herself in every way possible, cleanness on its own can be so attractive from a distance but that should be found even when I get closer in those pants. I once turned off and left the lady hanging at some point because I got the complete opposite of what I expected, she started complaining about petty things like switching off the light but she couldn’t even move a toe let alone a finger. I left and never looked back without any explanation. Where I am heading with this is that not being playful sexually is a man’s enemy which will kill all the willingness and excitement that has been there for months. A woman’s energy is a sex booster to a man just as lack of it is a total turn off. Ability to get lost and loosen up in that moment will give a man the stamina to do more or even come back for more. As men, we never talk but again to me it depends on a woman’s assertiveness to things.”

PHESTUS Operator 44yrs – “Lack of interest is psychological not physical, a thing like jealousy alone spoils the relationship. A woman’s outing should be limited, 50/50 is just a concept that is deceitful and it never works. Space needs to be given for each to have their times for friends without the other being present all the time. When married a woman should be more part of my family than hers and making me seem unworthy in front of my family especially my mom would certainly kill my ego. Comparing me to other men is a big no just as financial abuse is when she can’t spend a cent for anything even when is necessary. Sweating which comes with an awful smell is such a turn-off but a bad kisser is so much worse that it would never lead to anything else because for me that’s where passion starts. Another thing is we can sense it when sex is given as a duty so that will be the end of it as it makes us unwanted. We might be accused as men that we cheat without any emotion but we always want to feel wanted by our chosen one. Communication and respect have to come from both parties and remember it is easier for a man to choose their mom over their woman so thread carefully over that issue, which would be my advice.”

SABELO 35yrs Refugee Status Determination Manager –  “I don’t like any woman who is full of herself, selfish and nags unreasonably. I passionately hate a chewing gum so much I would never dare even approach a woman who chews it, I will at once terminate the attraction I might have had for her. I am a very honest person who believes communication can go a long way, doesn’t matter what the problem is. I won’t bother telling a fling what turns me off about her, why bother myself? I will just move along. But if it is someone I love I will openly let her know, if it is a sensitive matter I always find a way to make her aware. I either joke about it but should it happen she is slow to catch then I will definitely say it to her face. If the person is willing to compromise then I stay and work on it. I will never beg for change but I can only give options on how to handle the problem. Even lack of sexual connection in the first encounter is not reason enough to just leave, it may be one sided and I will let my woman know and give it a second chance. A lot of reasons might be the cause of that and the second time around might be either the same or a completely different ball game. The second chance will determine my stay or the end of the relationship. Another thing is to me cheating can be forgiven once not twice. Bear this in mind, a person has power over you only when you surrender your power to that person ”

Though each has their own preference there are some common insights that are a must and cannot be compromised.

Lack of Cleanness
Tired and smelly lady garden
Lack of respect/compromise
Feeling unwanted or not appreciated
Failing to think wisely

Maybe we should think again ladies, go back to the drawing board and review and rethink all the reasons we had in mind and do some serious introspection but to those who wondered it is time to ask yourself could any of these be one of my many relationship failures? To those who know, denial will get you to a place called nowhere with no one. Or put on that bravery be sure to handle the truth and go and not ask but force it out the one person whom you have dated. The truth hurt but it will set you free and it will build a great character in you. We only think too deep most times but even small things deny us a chance of happiness.

These men also reveal that since men are not emotional beings like women but they at times approach a lady with intentions of fulfilling the excitement of getting laid. But they eventually get hooked based on what they get from the lady sexually and otherwise, based on the kind of communication they have and that is where some of the serious relationships started. Should we call it a negative intention with a positive outcome? Who has been lucky enough to be told that is where is started? How did it make you feel? Do you leave when you know the initial intention? Not only men but people generally are cowards to mention things that can hurt a person’s feeling forgetting silence will not only hurt but break them completely mentally so. Hearing an awful thing about you can be hurtful for a moment but not knowing and not dealing with it will be a scar for life.

These are just other ways of proving that love alone was never enough but it’s only the base or foundation of a relationship. Life is complicated but relationships are one hell of a full-time job that needs our time, understanding, sacrifice and playing by the rules of the unwritten book. A book with laws that we always have to adjust to based on individuals. An unwritten book that amends rules and regulations so often we cannot keep up.